Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
