20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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