I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
