I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Randomize
