Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
