I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
