you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
