I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
