a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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