You just made me feel so damn special
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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