Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
And then my night got REAL pukey
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
