im having a threesome with these popsicles
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
