I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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