i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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