I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
