this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
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