he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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