I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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