Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I just found puke in my bra..
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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