Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
