tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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