Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
