Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Randomize
