i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
