Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
