I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
you inspire me to be a worse person
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
