living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
