mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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