I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
So I just went to clothing optional bar
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
