I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
