you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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