so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
