Dual....:-)
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
