my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize