Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
