i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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