We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
