We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
