Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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