i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Dignity is for republicans.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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