Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
