if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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