she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
