She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
