party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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