Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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