im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
