GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
