I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
