Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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