sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
