I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
She is in my trunk
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize