Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
