I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
