My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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