i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize