Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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