You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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