Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize