I must be too annoying 4 u.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
