He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize