you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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