What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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