were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
