the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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