Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
