hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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