He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
