she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
She said her name was "party"
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Randomize
