when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
