would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
