i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
