Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
