still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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