I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Randomize
