I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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