A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
