I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
