weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
