youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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