i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
