Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
