So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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