the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize