I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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