Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
