and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Then you guys just all showered together...?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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