Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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