By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
