She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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