I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Me too!
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
