Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
