What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
