I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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