the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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