so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
