oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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