It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
