I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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