If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
my being single is dangerous.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
