she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
We named our party play list daddy issues
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
