people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize