How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
