if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
