Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
