96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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