I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Randomize
