I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
