Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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