My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
